So this is when things can get rather tough. Everyone has their own parenting style and ideas for parenting. But when there are disagreements with the parenting team, it is not a good thing. Any kids not just foster will see those problems and will start focusing on them and can start pitting you against one another. They will know who they can manipulate and get things from and who is the disciplinarian. In my house since I am the one home all of the time the disciplinarian is of course me; I am the one that sets the rules, that makes the day to day decisions and sadly the "mean one". Where Brian, he is the fun one; he is a big kid himself and gets to do all of the fun things with the kids. And yes there are quite a lot of times where I am not happy about any of it. But the difference between he and I is that I raised my daughter as a single mom with help from family and he was not really a hands on or involved dad. So he looks at things as the kid and not the parent; and trust me at times that is soooo frustrating!! It can cause quite a bit of problems with the two of us. And sadly it has caused some issues. The issues that have come up so far are when we do not agree on something; he is really quick to say something right in front of the kids and think nothing of it. I can say to him I think that the kids should go out and shovel the snow; he is like why not that much snow and it will just melt. So there is no way for me to have them complete the task when they heard that he feels it does not need to be done. The kids are very prone to follow in his footsteps and do and say things that he says and does. Or I will get well Mr. Brian said we didn't have to do that. Again, he does not come and ask me he just gives an answer without checking with me first. It makes things really tough. We have to very different ways of looking at things. And he has a tendency to be less strict with one of them than the other. I feel so left out and feel that I am always the odd man out. The three of them will all be in a room laughing and joking; once I walk in; it all changes. And it does not help the dynamic between me and SS due to the RAD. I am a loud person in general and anytime I talk I am considered to be yelling, when I try to joke it is always taken the wrong way. And then if able to joke then she is not able to go from me joking to me being the disciplinarian again and she thinks that I am just joking. So I do not even have the opportunity to be the fun parent. I am hoping that in time all of that may change, but it won't be any time soon. And then with our son; we ourselves are still learning how to deal with his autism. Just like anything else there is no everyone's autism is the same; each person has different autistic traits and we have to learn his. At times, they are not noticed then there are times when there is a neon sign over his head. My most difficult problem is that he talks so low and sort of mumbles and it is so hard to understand what he is saying. I feel bad sometimes because I have to ask him 3 or more times what he is saying and I have to try and repeat each word to be sure I am getting it correct. Then there is Brian who at times just acts like he does not hear our son talking at all. (Brian is supposed to be wearing a hearing aid, but never wears it; so he hears pretty much nothing unless we are yelling) Which makes thing really tough. We just got Legal Custody of both of the kids so they are now out of the foster system. So now we will be on our own with figuring things out; with the help of our Behavior Specialist. Everything takes time to learn our kids, even our birth kids. And with these kids we sadly have missed part of their lives and have to try to figure them out without that missing piece. It is not always an easy thing to do and does take some work and a lot of paying attention to what they are doing and saying. And that is something I do a lot; where Brian not so much. I have learned our daughter pretty well. I believe sometimes even more than she actually knows herself. Have any of you reading this felt like you know your kids better than they know themselves? Like what they really like; instead of following what other kids do or wear. Breaks my heart knowing she is not even close to her true potential. Would love to hear how other parents deal with situations with your kids. And do you have problems with not always being a team with your spouse? Hoping it isn't just me and my household struggling. Would love to hear from anyone reading this. The struggles are real when you have your spouse and kids in one area and you are in another on your own. Tonight I have them watching an older movie, The Neverending Story. Will see what they think of it or if they will sit and watch the entire movie with me. Be back soon. Hope everyone is ready for Christmas, will try and write before the end of the week next week.