First I truly hope that everyone had a great Thanksgiving with their family and friends. Ours was great, the first one in about 10 years that my daughter, Brit was home for, so that made it even better. I made a 26 lb turkey and we feel that there should have been way more left over than there was, LOL. I did quite a bit of baking and cooking up to Thanksgiving and I know that my Fibro is now kicking my butt.
Ok on to our kids. We have two with us right now, one which is SS and we have legal guardianship of her. She has been with us since October 2023. She is 13 years old and is an amazing young lady. She sadly still has tons to work through yet. She was recently diagnosed with RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). That has been a major struggle for the relationship between her and I. She is in therapy and is doing EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) It is a way of dealing with trauma by processing disturbing memories. But sadly since her birth mom is the one that she did not get along with; I am getting all of the attitude that she wants to give to birth mom. At times it is like she does not see me and instead sees her birth mom. And at times the things that are said to me by her are so hurtful. And I am sorry no matter how often someone says "Oh, don't take it personally" ; how can you not take it personally. I love her like she is my own and it is not easy hearing her say she doesn't care about me, or that she is scared of me, or her yelling don't touch me. I am lucky where I am also in my own therapy. I feel as foster parents it is something that is needed; especially if anyone else is like me and truly starts to love these kids like they are your own. It is tough seeing them hurt. I do not know a lot of foster parents that take the older kids like we do; most want the little babies. I would rather the older kids because they deserve to know that they deserve love and are wanted. Some of their stories are truly heartbreaking. Ok, sorry I strayed off topic; back to SS. Her and I have a huge blow up at least once a month. And most of the time it is over something little and ends up blowing up into me storming out crying. And sadly the Fibro does not help my reaction to things; I use to be able to stay so calm during discussions or arguments, but anymore it feels like something just takes me over and I start shaking and I either blow up or just start crying like crazy. I know it is due to the Fibro but hate that I can not control my reactions anymore. But I also know that SS has tons of things to still work through. She has at least 9 to 10 years of trauma to work through and only being with us for 2 years is just the start.
Then we have her brother FA, he is 11 soon to be 12. He just came to us this year (2025) in June. So we are still getting to know him. We are to go this week and get Legal Guardianship of his as well. But they are so different. FA is autistic and has a way lower IQ than SS. He can be the sweetest boy; but when does not get his way or do not believe him boy does his anger come out. It is not happening quite as much as when he was at his other foster home. But we have had them where he does destroy things. He has picked at the walls of his newly built bedroom, he has broken things, thrown his plate across the floor and then most recently he has put a hole in our bathroom tub. So now they are not able to use the tub until we get it fixed in the next few weeks. It is rough trying to talk to a kid that does not know how to be honest or is worried something bad is going to happen to him. He just like his sister has years of trauma to work through. But unlike his sister, he has blocked most of his and does not acknowledge it. I am not sure which is worse. But they both need to know that they deserve to be loved. And I for one am not someone that will give up on either of them.
I have even upgraded my foster license to the Treatment Foster Care Program; this deals with kids with more behaviors. Where most of the kids we have had have fallen in this category anyways; so it seemed to just make sense to upgrade. I will talk more about this in my next writing.
We are trying to find the thing to get FA into to keep him busy and to occupy him. We have tried Basketball and that most definitely is not the thing for him. He has a hard time focusing and does not really listen and is just running up and down the court. But I have thought about the Ninja Gyms that they have; this would be something he could learn to do on his own and may even build his confidence. So that is what we will try next. We have already found a few things that SS has joined. I got her into horseback riding; which she does enjoy. Animals are the best medicine for both kids and adults. And then she loves to play soccer and we found her a good church related youth group to join.
Would love to hear from any other foster parents out there and what things you find for the kids to do to keep busy. Will Be back soon.